A good fist Chapter to a kid's book?

When I was 11 I started writing this. I didn’t touch it since, but maybe you could give me advice how to fix it up and add to it. (First chapter)

James lived his life on a deserted island. His mother cooked, sewed, and cleaned, and his father hunted, gardened and ran the family. James helped with small jobs. Usually, all he had to do was help his mother clean, or father garden, but most of his time was spent playing. That day, the day before the day he met Sarah, James sat in his room. He looked around. He had a small desk that sat in the corner, two small chairs, a bookshelf and a bed. On the bed were sheets sewn by his mother, on the bookshelf were some books. Not too many. In his life time, James read each book enough times that he had practically memorized all of them. Next to the desk were his two chairs. One was for the desk, the other one held his clothes. James lay down; he closed his eyes and sighed, trying to forget about his loneliness.
“James,” James mother Ann called.
James got up, and walked towards her.
“You’ve got a surprise outside,”
James ran outside. There was a gang of boys. “James! James! James!” They all chanted…
“James!” Ann cried. James opened his eyes. He was in his room; there were no boys, no friends to play with. Ann was in the room, sweeping. He looked up at her. “There’s a surprise outside,” She seemed to tease. James closed his eyes again. “Go on,” She said, “You’d love it!” James looked at her, she wasn’t teasing… he could see it in her eyes. So he got up, and walked outside, half expecting a gang of boys. But there were no boys waiting outside. Just a crate, washed up on the shore. A crate… washed up. James ran to it and smashed it; the wood was softened from being so damp. Inside the crate James found a rifle, bullets, and books. This probably came from some sort of army. James studied the hunting rifle. It was nice and new, but most of all James liked it because it was like Trust Betty. James knew his father would be in awe when he saw this. But James father, Jeff, always hunted with one gun, and one gun only… Trusty Betty. Trusty Betty belonged to Jeff’s great grandfather, and his grandfather, then Jeff, and one day, Trusty Betty will belong to James. Trusty Betty was a trusted old gun. It never broke and it was always on target. James couldn’t wait for his turn to have the gun. But this one was more tempting. James set it on the hot, beach sand. He picked up the book and flipped through it. It was about a ship, and guns, and armor, and swords. He set this too on the beach. Now James sat on the beach, thinking about that ship, and how the crate got here, and if there are any more to smash up. But it was a single crate, on the beach.
James house lay right after the beach. Fifty yards from it was the woods. Behind the house was his dad’s garden, and behind that were more woods. James really never went past the woods, he wasn’t allowed to.
James picked up the rifle and the book; he didn’t care about the rest. He ran home. The rifle he set on top of his bookshelf, the book was set in its own special place in the book shelf. The rifle, James decided, was going to be first used tomorrow.
James awoke the next morning with a feeling of misery. The night before, he had decided he was a prince, and he was going to help his Father with his hunting. He had even loaded and polished the gun. But today he thought about that poor animal he was going to kill, and instead decided he was going to build a tree house. After all, every prince needs a tree house, and James knew the perfect place. He pulled himself out of bed, and ran to his clearing.
Now you’re wondering what his clearing is, right? James’ clearing was a little corner in the woods that was clear of trees. James has already decided he will use a tree with branches starting two feet off the ground. He was a great climber, having climbed this tree since he could walk. He used a couple of planks of wood, which drifted to shore after a huge storm. He had also found nails and a hammer from his Father’s tool box. He had found a sturdy branch that was about six feet off the ground. He nailed a couple of planks to it and built off of that.
A long while later James was called to lunch. His mom had prepared herb soup and his Father had shot a hawk, which James had happily gobbled down. James never really liked herb soup, so he left that untouched.
He told his father about his tree house, and his father seemed very interested. His father had told him after he sets up the deer trap, he’ll stop by and check it out. So after lunch, James went back to his clearing. He noticed that it was coming along great. James smiled to himself, and set off to work. Sometime later, James had a feeling that he was done. Besides, he couldn’t think of what else to do. So he climbed into his tree house, curled up, and fell asleep.
James awoke by a loud BOOM and a cry of pain, then a grunt, and the island was silent. Has someo

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If this book waz on a shelf would u buy it?

One Response to A good fist Chapter to a kid's book?

im back says:

March 26, 2010 at 9:18 pm

sorry to have to say this but this story is a non-starter – it is just not believable

you have them living on a deserted island

but there is sufficient material and his father has sufficient skills to build a house, make furniture and for his mother to make the material to sew the clothes and bedding….not really on is it?

think you need to rethink your basic plot

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